Here is the thing. Part of me is really enjoying homeschool. I like to teach so some days are really enjoyable, and I feel like a much more efficient human being because time is a much more precious commodity.
But a lot of the time I feel deprived of my freedom. I have a full time job now. I don't like having a full time job on top of my Mom job. My house is a mess (but it was when I wasn't homeschooling too), I never have time for laundry and grocery shopping, and walking with friends, or taking Clara to park day with the ladies in the ward (if there even is one), or blogging, or reading a novel. And I feel like the kids need more interaction with other kids. I can't help but feel guilty about keeping them out of school. We have a group we do things with, but is once a week enough? I don't know. They fight a lot less, it is true. A lot of people told me that my kids would get along better when we started homeschooling, and they do. Sometimes it seems kind of miraculous. But by the end of the day I am crawling out of my skin. It is a lot of time together and I have a serious case of burn out by the evenings.
But, I love being able to go and do things and travel and have control over our schedule. We went to NYC. It's huge. Really huge. My in-laws are coming, and we can go play. My sisters are coming (one in Nov. and one in Dec.) and we can go play. We can go on a two week trip to Utah this winter. That is a huge perk.
I loved our old curriculum at NPA. I think Core Knowledge, Shurley English, and Saxon Math are amazing programs and I hate hate hate hate to give them up, but really I am not sure learning from Mom is as fun as learning from Mr. C, or Miss A, or Mrs. P was. Okay, I am pretty sure it isn't. School is fun (except Dixon Middle School, which I do believe is what Hell must be like). I worry about my performance as a teacher.
And I just got a new calling at church. A big calling. One that requires a lot of time. I'm not one that shies away from being busy, but it is hard to find balance. Ugh. This decision has been a monumental struggle for me. Maybe this isn't for me. But I want to travel....do I give up the ski trip in UT?
Ugh, ugh, ugh. I can't even pick a meal at a restaurant, so I feel totally incapable of deciding what to do here.
Just needing to vent and hoping for some wise feedback.
13 comments:
Yes. I assumed you were venting and didn't need advice. I don't have any advice anyway. You will figure it out. You always do.
D.
P.S. I know Katy is visiting in November. Who is going in December? Never mind. It's Maren isn't it?
D.
I can relate; I can't make decisions either!
wow your plate is full!!
i hear you on the not being able to make decisions thing! and to top off my indecisiveness, i always feel like EVERY little decision is a make or break - like i could potentially totally ruin my life if i choose wrong. its stressful. :) haha.
a lot of the things you wrote about in this post are the fears that i have, too! mostly the being SO busy and always having the kids around.
well, here are some of my thoughts - granted i haven't actually started homeschooling yet, so i don't have my own experiences to go off of exactly - just thoughts. i've read a lot of books/research/forums and thoughts of other people, though. so i guess they are the thoughts of other people who HAVE been there and done it. so maybe they're worth something. :) anyways...
so overall, i would say - hang in there! yes, homeschooling is not for everyone and you ultimately have to do what is best for you and your family. but overwhelmingly, i hear people say that the first year is just ROUGH! you're trying to figure out everything out- how you want to teach your kids, how to track things, when, where, and how to do things, how to deal with the new, homeschooling specific challenges/discipline problems that arise, and you and they are trying to adjust! from what i hear, things get lots easier after the first year. so hang in there! maybe its just kind of a rough patch right now - i bet all those visits/vacations coming are going to be very refreshing. it'll be a huge payday of one of the perks of homeschooling - flexibility! and it'll balance out some of the difficult things.
also, what is your year schedule like? traditional with summers off? year round? teach for a couple months and then a month off? as you know, the possibilities are endless. :) maybe if you are feeling burned out, a different schedule would help? i've heard of people doing three months on, one month off and then repeating that through the year. i've also heard of extreme cases where people do a week of school and then a week off. but maybe that wouldn't really feel like a break since you're kids would still be at home? anyways... its a thought.
as to wanting your kids to get out with other kids more - from what i've read, if it agrees with your homeschooling ideaologies, you can be pretty flexible about what counts as school time. what i'm getting at is that if you can find the opportunities for them to be out doing things with other kids, you can find ways to also make it count for school time. soccer games count as p.e., story time at the library counts as reading time, getting involved in a youth theatre group or community play would be drama, etc. also homeschooling co-ops are a FANTASTIC way to get your kids some time with other kids. i don't know if these suggestions are helpful... maybe you have enough free time already for them to do those things or maybe they aren't available. anyways, like i said... just thoughts. :)
and just as a personal question (me wanting to learn from your experience): do you think some of your struggles are related to the fact that you were used to sending your kids to school and having time without them during the day? does that make sense? do you think you'd feel better about it if you had never known any different and always had them at home? like i said, you expressed some of the same fears that i have, so i'm just wondering what you think.
and lastly the other thing i hear a lot of homeschooling parents say is that you have to pray -A LOT! :) (not that i don't think you're not doing that already. haha.)
i think you are awesome for what you are doing. it is HARD work, but so great! i love reading about your thoughts/experiences.
If there is one thing I've learned being a full-time working mom... it's this: You can't have everything.
There are some days I simply DREAD leaving my boys to head into the office. SOOO many times I've left Cash crying at home... telling me he wanted to go and play with ward friends... and as I drive to work... I see all the ward mom's minivans gathered together at one of their homes. All their kids... happily playing together while Cash sits at home crying. Ugh. :(
We all make sacrifices to make our families work. And every family is so unique and so different. I guess we all just have to prioritize what is most important for our families... and then make compromises based on those priorities.
Compromise. A necessary evil.
You'll make the right choice.
I have a friend who is homeschooling her kids but puts them in public school for a couple of subjects. They are there for 2 and 1/2 hours a day. They like it because they can see their friends and participate in school activities but they also have more flexibility and time as a family. I don't know if you could do that in VA but you could look into it.
Another idea, there is a charter school here that caters kids that compete in skiing events that require time off. They are more flexible with schedules than other schools. If you find a school like that, you could still travel.
We also have a "homeschool school" by us that teaches a variety of classes that you can sign up for. I'm not quite sure how it all works, but I can ask around if you would like.
I'm sure you'll figure out something that works for your family. Good luck!
I'm liking Chris's ideas...some combination of things. I think you're doing great things with your kids and no matter what you decide, they will still be great kids. But, I don't know how you do anything else. You are a busy lady. It's up to you and what you feel like you can/want to do. But, in the end, know that you and your children will be just fine....
I admire you a lot, Anna! You do so many good things! And I think the feelings you express are completely normal and understandable. (And this is coming from someone who struggles over choosing which flavor of ice cream to buy!)
I wonder if some of the travelbug will slow down once you've been there for a while. Right now there is so much that is new to see and do, so many fabulous experiences . . . but I wonder if you will feel differently in a year, for example. Maybe you can think of homeschooling as temporary, something you're trying on to see if it fits. It gives you the flexibility now, when you really want it, and maybe at a future point, you'll decide you want some personal alone time more.
I'm sure your kids will be fine, no matter what you decide! Good luck!
P.S. What's the calling?
When I am faced with these kinds of decisions, when I feel that I am at the end of my rope, I make a pros and cons list, and ultimately I choose the decision that will allow me to have the lifestyle I want. What's more valuable to you? With your kids in school, and your new calling, I imagine that life will still be as busy as ever and you will still miss out on reading novels and finding time for laundry. I think this time is an adjustment and I like what has been said before me. Try switching up the teaching schedule to accommodate your needs and wants. I don't foresee you homeschooling the rest of your children's learning life, but for now it seems great that you are able to travel.
oh man, that is tough. it sounds like you are trading freedom on a daily basis for freedom in the long run. so i guess it all depends on which kind of freedom is more important to you. a very hard decision. good luck, i'm sure you'll make the right one.
Hmmm, no wise counsel from me, but I like hearing about your thoughts and experiences. It's a tough thing, and there are pros and cons to every option. Good luck!
I have to laugh at myself because I'm realizing this is going to sound like I'm a totally selfish person.... I personally don't think I could handle my kids all day! I think they can can get social skills and exposure to some things by going to school, and I want that for my kids. I do struggle with some things that they have to experience, but I think that makes them stronger. Also I'm not one who is opposed to taking them out of school to go on a vacation. I know some people look down on that, but oh well. Last year we were sort of hermits, and I think that was really hard on my kids... now that they're more involved in things they are so much happier and enjoying life. I'm sure you'll find a good balance!
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